Thursday, 8 December 2016

Scotland My Home.

Forever Scotland.

A Textured Painting inspired by my time on Iona.

There is an old and well known saying. You can take the boy out of Scotland but you cannot take Scotland out of the boy. I suppose it should now also mention women just to be politically correct. But how true that is.

Yesterday was a hectic day painting starting at just around about 7am and I was kind of still at it at 9-30pm. I produced two textured paints the one above and an larger abstract. Today i will take them down to Dunfermline to replace the two that sold from there on Monday.

So Scotland was very much in my mind yesterday especially the year I spent on Iona. 

So not having had much time for thought I have gone back into my little black book of sayings I have heard over the years as a minister and teacher, some spoken directly to me. 

I hope they give you a little sense of we Scots and have a smile.

Scotrail are trying hard to keep customers informed about the reasons for the late running of trains. So when the train arrived at Edinburgh from Glasgow and the doors remained shut, the loud speaker announcement ran something like this.

"We would like to apologise to passengers for the late opening of the doors. This is due to the guard's incompetence. This incompetence was caused by an accident at birth and everything possible is being done to rectify the situation."


Kirkintilloch Crime Prevention Panel, of which I was part, informed visitors at the local police station open day that a "light finger buffet" would be provided. I am sure a fair number of light fingered people had been through that door before.

And another.

A young boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.

 "Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?" 

The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!" 

The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."

I am smiling about that one.

How about this notice in the bank?

A Bank of Scotland branch which had been undergoing refurbishment put up a notice which read

"We would like to thank all our customers for baring with us through the recent refurbishment."

(If you didn't spot the joke, the spell checker won't help either)

And lastly.

The Sunday School teacher asked her class if they would like to go to heaven? All the hands went up except little jimmy.

"Do you not want to go to heaven Jimmy?' asked the teacher.

"No," says Jimmy, " My mum says I have to go straight home after Sunday School."

Have a wonderful day.

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