Being a passenger.

I am not a good passenger sitting in a car. A few days ago I was talking to a lad I had met on two caravan sites in the last two weeks. We began to talk about the journey home and who would or not, be driving that journey. We both came to the horrible conclusion that neither of us was good at taking a back seat.

He then went on to make a rather telling comment. he said that it seemed to be alright when he was coming home from meeting with his friends and he had had an ale. Then it was fine for somebody else to drive him.

I began to wonder why this was the case. For me, it is very much that I like to be in control of my life and do not trust when that is taken from me. Silly thoughts pass through my head. The driver is not paying attention. That little shudder on the brakes is that a sign of impending doom? So many little silly thoughts.

But they are all visions invented in my head and never actually represent reality. Such behaviour is a recipe for disaster.

Inventing problems in our mind and then believing them is a clear path to self-sabotage.  Too often we amuse ourselves with anxious predictions, deceive ourselves with negative thinking, and ultimately live in a state of hallucination about worst-case scenarios.  We overlook everything but the plain, downright, simple, honest truth.

When we invent problems in our relationships, our relationships ultimately suffer.  Insecurity is often the culprit.  If we doubt ourselves and do not realise our own worth, we will pass on any opportunity to let others care for us, and we will remain stuck with the insecurity issues that weigh us down.

What we need to realise is that there are normal idiosyncrasies to any relationship.  

There are ups and downs and mood changes, moments of affection and closeness and moments of friction.  These ups and downs are normal.  Wanting to be absolutely close and intimate all the time is like wanting to be a passenger in a car that has no driver.

So for me and those of us who live with insecurities here is a little tip I came across while doing some study for the work I am doing on my Tao Te Ching interpretative translation.

It was a bit like this.

Next time you feel insecure, and you catch yourself stressing about problems that don’t exist, stop yourself and take a deep breath.  

Then tell yourself, “This problem I’m concerned with only exists in my mind.”  

Being able to distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening in your life is an important step towards self-confidence.  Rather than another step towards self-destruction.

I share this thought with you not because I think I am surrounded by insecure people but simply because it rang a big bell in my head and I thought it worth sharing.