Seeing the ghosts of despair.

Friends frequently laugh when I make comment about some of the things I am seeing as I walk. I do not mind their enjoying laughter at my expense especially when I know that many other artists I know also see things that are not there.

I passed this tree on a walk two days ago and could not believe what I was seeing. I took a picture of it and showed it to a number of friends none of whom saw what I was seeing. At last another friend mentioned that they were seeing the same as I was. 

What was I seeing?  A bear. I hope you can now also see it? I have drawn it in black and white and added some very little flecks of green moss but not on the, "Bear," that I have left clear to help him stand out more obviously.

It can be a very frightening experience to see things that are not there but you are seeing them because life has taken a turn for the worse and an addiction is taking a firm hold. I have heard many people explain to me the pink elephant experience. This happens when a person has become so addicted to a drug or alcohol. There are those times when the craving takes a frightening hold and the gremlins start to appear.

The next step is so often the desire to have this terrible life come to and end and suicide is contemplated or attempted. A dear friend spoke to me recently of just such a terrible feeling. To feel that there is non way back from the depths of nightmares.

At one stage in my life I allowed alcohol to take such a hold on my life that I had to make dramatic changes. For others the only remedy is cold turkey nothing at all of that which is causing the pain. 

For me this was not the road I had to travelling a fortunate and determined person I was able to take control of my life and make a change in lifestyle which allowed me to be in control and not controlled.

It is for others a frightening prospect. I would want all those who are going through such a nightmare to know they are never alone, there are always those around who care enough to be ready to offer support.  I want my friend to know that life may seem black at this moment but it can be better and this can end.

It begins with the reality check of what has gone wrong. 

Those who drink to drown their sorrows should know that sorrows know how to swim and drowning them is never an alternative. 

Another realism is the effects of what it is that is grasping your life and see it for what it is.

When I was younger I learned the following.

We drank for happiness and became unhappy.
We drank for joy and became miserable.
We drank for sociability and became argumentative.
We drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.
We drank for friendship and made enemies.
We drank for sleep and awakened without rest.
We drank for strength and felt weak.
We drank "medicinally" and acquired health problems.
We drank for relaxation and got the shakes.
We drank for bravery and became afraid.
We drank for confidence and became doubtful.
We drank to make conversation easier and slurred our speech.
We drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.
We drank to forget and were forever haunted.
We drank for freedom and became slaves.
We drank to erase problems and saw them multiply.
We drank to cope with life and invited death.               

Once we grasp the reality we have made the first step to making the change. Tonight I will have a glass of Rose' with my my family or possibly a glass of beer with my son. For others this is not possible but it is not the end of the world. 

To all struggling in anyway remember you are not alone. Have a calm day and lean on those who care.

I hope all who read will understand my reasons for writing if this blog does not offer help to them.