A little bit of bother.

When I was in the ministry I frequently shared modern versions of biblical stories either as meditations or just as a means of seeing the account in modern terms. This often, I hoped threw new light on the account. 

At one time I had gathered a large selection of those and had typed them up into a possible book. I sent these off to a few publishers and one asked me to make one or two changes and do a bit of an edit.  

In the time it took for me to get this done I left the ministry and began to do teacher training. The book was shelved and is still in the same position now as I left it. 

I was looking at it the other day there, as oft you do, and it got me into a mood of trying to do another. 

As I sat thinking I could hear the rain on the window, and I was aware of the floods in USA. My thoughts turned to the tale of Noah and the ark.  I could not help but smile as I thought of that happening now. 

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." 

Now I ask myself how would Noah get on.  A bit like this maybe!

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard doing nothing. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?" 

"Lord, please forgive me," said Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. 

First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. 

Then I got into a fight with Health and Safety over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. 

Then, my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating planning laws  by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the town planners. 

Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Fauna and wildlife. I finally convinced the authorities that I really needed the wood to save some rare owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls. 

The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with Union before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. 

When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending. 

Meanwhile, the local authorities notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe. 

Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe. 

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard. 

The Inland Revenue has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.

"One thing and another Lord and I do not think the ark can be completed on schedule due to unexpected interruptions.  I might manage to complete two or three years behind the contracted date."

 Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. 

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" 

"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."

Do you ever feel like that?

Have a great day  I might have painted a rainbow for this blog but as it is no longer a symbol of peace I did not want to tread on any sensitive toes.